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May 10th, 2006


09:47 pm
Chris got voted off of American Idol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am never watching this show again! I'm so mad! At least I still have Top Model.
Current Mood: angryangry

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April 6th, 2006


11:18 pm - An Earthquake and a Tsunami
Gosh. I just watched Discovery Channel's "America's Tsunami: Are We Next?" and not only do I have to beware of 9.0 Earthquakes on the Richter Scale, but also a Tsunami up to 90 feet. Jeez, should have just stayed in Texas. . . or perhaps not, for look, Discovery Channel also has: "Perfect Disaster, Super Tornado" in Dallas, Texas. *sigh* Though, I like Tornadoes. Scientist say the fault along the Cascadia, which "extends from northern California to the peninsula of British Columbia and is an exact mirror image geologically to the Indian Ocean subduction zone where the December 2004 tsunami occurred" is due to errupt sometime soon. *sarcastic* Oh, goody. Hopefully we'll be helped a lot more quickly in our area than in New Orleans. They say the damage will be greater than that of Hurricane Katrina. I repeat, "Oh goody."
Current Mood: blahblah

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November 8th, 2005


09:08 pm - Murder Inc.
Bad bad week. My gums developed an infection and I had to miss more school, I have had so much homework that I had several anxiety attacks and felt like I was having a nervous break down. So the whole week I'm just doing homework and had no time for anything else. I need a break. At least I'll have a 3 day weekend this week. I'm going to Janice's house this Thursday for a sleep over.

My mom came home sobbing her eyes out the other day. Turns out my mom's co-worker and little boy were murdered by the co-worker's husband, who is now on the run. It's weird reading the newspaper and seeing their story. I know something the newspapers don't though, or at least they haven't reported it yet. The husband showed up at my mom's work the other day. Someone saw him, but there was so much confusion since it was the day they learned she died, and by the time they called the police, he was gone. I'm scared he might murder more people. . . I'm scared for my mom. America's Most Wanted is doing a program about him which will air either this Saturday or the next. Gosh, it must be so scary for your husband and dad to turn on you. I remember one night my dad pulled a knife on me and mom, and it was just this freezing moment of shock. It was horrible.

For some reason people are now escorting me to my car after work. It's pitch black when my shift ends, thanks to daylight savings time, but it has been for several days and they just started walking me to my car. I heard someone whisper at work about a girl and a truck, and dont' tell her, so I don't know what to make of that. Could there have been a truck they thought would hold a kidnapper out to get me, or were they talking about someone else and now are just taking extra precautions? I mean I do know the code combination to get into the door, so if someone wanted to rob the place I'd be a prime candidate. Anyway, I'm going to bed now. G'night!

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October 28th, 2005


11:08 pm - Surgery
I have had the flu this week, and so busy with school and work I've had no time for anything else, and now this morning I had to go get all four of my wisdom teeth removed. Oh. . . wait. . . I think I'm about to drop off now. The medication is making me so dizzy, I can barely keep my eyes open, along with the cold that I have. Anyway, I felt like I was in a dream driving, and most of the time I was automatic, and then I couldn't find the orthodontic surgery place and my dad didn't have his cell phone with him so I couldn't call him. Anyway, I found the place after a while. I had to wear short sleeves (so cold!) and no contacts or makeup, and couldn't eat for six hours before surgery. They laid me down on a chair that bent all the way back so it was like a bed.

They strapped my arms and legs to the chair, and hooked heartbeat monitors to my chest and stomach, and then those blood pressure device to my arm. Waiting for the doctor was so weird, since I couldn't move and the lights were so bright and my cold was making me dizzy, my hearbeat beating in rapid succession. I kept thinking that I might now wake up, and I began to remember the last time I saw my family members and what if I never saw them again. The doctor came in, and the nurse asked me to open and close my hand while she slapped my arm lightly. Then the doctor gave me a dose of anesthesia. By this time I was so woozy and pretty weird. After a few minutes he asked me if I was still asleep, and I told him no. Then he told his nurse they had to give me another dose. Then the lights I was staring at blended into my dream, and I was gone. In my dream, I was in a cave filled with lights, and when I climbed out of the cave, I saw the doctors over me, covered in hair nets and those masks they put over their nose and mouth. There was so much pain in my mouth that I dozed off again.

Afterward, I woke up and the nurse was shaking me, saying "get up, get up." I was so confused, and I saw the doctor leave, though my vision was so cloudy. She brought me to another room, and tried to get me up into one of those examination beds that seemed especially high to me. I couldn't make my legs move and was leaning heavily on her, and she just shoved me up on the bed and left me unsupervised. I started trembling like crazy, wobbling on the edge of the bed trying not to fall off. And look at this article I just found: "The anesthetic, the researchers found, wears off in the spine while the brain remains asleep, and the spine is essentially disconnected from the brain's chemical messages. If the patient's skin gets cold, triggering shaking, the brain cannot signal the muscle reflex to stop, said Daniel I. Sessler, assistant professor of anesthesia at the University of California-San Francisco, who directed the study. He said the finding could lead to improved treatments to prevent the unpleasant and uncontrollable tremors, which in some cases resemble a seizure and can be dangerous to patients." They left me alone!!!! I could have fallen off and shattered my skull. My parents came in after a while, and I saw my Mom crying. She covered me with a jacket, just holding me. She was talking, but I couldn't make out the words. I tried to get off myself, to show her I was alright, but she wouldn't let me. Then I got mad for some reason, and tried to talk but I couldn't. I couldn't feel my jaws or lips, and their was tissue in my mouth so I sounded like a retard (no offense meant.) I don't know what I said, but later my mom told me I said that I wasn't a child, and I could walk myself. I kept trying to while both my parents held me up, but I couldn't make anything work right. I tried to move, and I'd just jerk really fast.

While I got to my mom's car, into the passenger seat while my mom drove, my dad rummaged through my purse and got the keys so he could drive my car home. On the way I kept hallucinating. Things like mailboxes and trees become people, sometimes giants. The first time I mumbled something to my mom that she had almost hit someone, but then I saw that they were hallucinations because when we drove close to the people, they became pieces of bushes and such. I tried to talk, but I couldn't get the words out right, and I felt horrible and couldn't move, so I just started crying. I thought I was just sniffling a little, but later my Mom told me I was crying really hard. When we parked I opened the door to jump out of the car, but my Mom quickly held my arm. I tried shaking her off, to show that I could walk while she was yelling for my dad to come and get me. I wanted them to know I was lucid (at least I thought I was) and that they didn't have to treat me like a child. I tried to throw up, but there was no food or liquid in me, so I just dry heaved. They put me on the couch so they could be by me, and covered me up with some blankets. I was bleeding really bad, so they put some towels around me. I remember thinking, "why are they putting towels around me?"

All the dogs smelled the blood on me, and my dog kept growling at the other dogs and my parents while he rested on top of me. I guess he wanted them to leave me alone because I was hurt and maybe he thought they had hurt me or something. I kept hearing them talk while they thought I was asleep, saying that they didn't expect to find me like they did, blood running down my face and shaking like a drug addict on a high bed unsupervised. My mom said my dad was crying. I was mad because I just wanted to sleep to make the pain to away and they were talking, keeping me awake, so I got up and wobbled to my room. My mom raced after me and made sure I was in bed alright, and also made sure the door was unlocked so she could check on me. Anyway, I woke up 5 or so hours later. I could walk, and was basically this time really lucid. I laughed at myself since I acted so funny. Then my gums started hurting, and I took the medication, but it made me so dizzy and tired, like its doing now.

Anyway, my youngest brothers Timothy just turned 13, and my present for him arrived today in the mail. It's called lighting reaction, and you can play with 3 other people. You hold a controller while creepy music starts playing, and when the round orb in the center turns from red to green, you have to push the button on the controller really fast or else you get shocked. It hurts! Well, I'm about to fall asleep on my computer, so I'll go to bed now. Everyone have a great day! Halloween is Monday!


*Since this is basically a list of grievences, I'll put down (it's about 5:11 AM right now) that the side of my lips are bruised, torn, and bloody from being stretched above their limit. Also, since my throat hurts almost more than my gums, I looked down it and their are elongated scratches of blood, so the doctors must have cut me. Right now, I'm just waiting for the medicine to kick in again so I could go back to sleep.
Current Mood: drunkdrunk

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August 15th, 2005


07:09 pm - Jobs
Haven't wrote in a while. Got an internship at a bank and started working today. Kinda of exciting, because all the atm money is held in the vault in the department where I work, and there was a break in. But besides that, its all paper work and such. I have my own little corner cubicle by a window with a desk and everything. Pretty cool. Starting college soon too. A lot has been going on, but I don't think I'll write about everything now.

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February 17th, 2005


03:39 pm
I'm back! My internet has been freaky for a while, and I couldn't get on.

Anyway, I went to the dance on Saturday. Lot's to tell, but I'll take a nap first before I dive into my story telling, and post pictures! Yay!

I found out I have the sleep disorder, "Sleep Paralysis" or "Old Hag Syndrome". I was so scared, but luckily I came across an article over this. Serveral times these past months, and multitude of times last night, I'd wake up and couldn't move, sometimes feeling as though someone is sitting on my chest. I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't wake up from my nightmare (Oh how horrible they are) and I try to scream but can't (well I did scream last night once, but no one heard me). I can hear everything that's going on, my mom and brother talking, my dog sleeping next to me, and then I'd hear a ringing in my hears that gets louder and louder until I feel my head is going to explode. Also, the article discussed vivid hallucinations which I have as well, where a person can sometimes see figures, or places, and hear footsteps and doors opening. I'm a rational person, but I was starting to believe that ghosts/demons where doing this. But of course, since I'm rational, I went looking for a logical explanation and found it. So. . . go me. Well, now I know what it is and don't have to be afraid. I was loosing sleep over this, and since I only get 4 hours of sleep a night, my sleep is very precious to me.

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January 20th, 2005


04:54 pm - Birthday Blues
*sniffles* I'm crying even as I write this. My brothers are so mean. My Mom took me out to Olive Garden (the food was bad but I'm not complaing) and then when we came home my eldest brother started nagging saying he wanted to go, not even talking to me or wishing me a happy birthday while talking about me behind my back. The walls are thin. I can hear him. My youngest brother didn't wish me a happy birthday also, but he yelled at me and called me a stupid retarded jerk. Then he wouldn't get out of my room. I just wanted to undress and read my new book in silence, but he wouldn't leave and every time I try to drag him out he hurts me. Then I found out they ate my cereal bars that I eat for lunch. They're my lunch! I told them time and time again not to go through my drawers and eat my lunch. I even gave them all my share of cookies the other day, and they do this! I do everything for my brothers!

1.) I ALWAYS stay up late and bake them a birthday cake when it's their birthday so they can have some for breakfast. I don't even get a thank you anymore.

2.) I always do their homework, and sometimes it takes me hours (when I'm doing their projects for them.) One time I didn't do it to Alex's satisfaction and he ripped it up, and Timmy yelled at me saying I did things so slow.

3.) Last time they fought and Timmy had a metal bat and was swinging it at Alex. I stepped in front of Alex and told Timmy to hit me instead. He did. Repeatedly.

4.) Timmy also was wielding a knife he was jabbing toward Alex, and I got in the way and he poked me slightly.

5.) They hurt and tease my dog, and when I hit them to stop they hit me back.

6.) They always dirty up the house and never clean it, and my mom is a perfectionist and when she comes home to a dirty house her blood pressure starts to raise because she yells a lot, so I want to keep it clean and I try and get them to do it, but they never do, and last time I tried Alex stabbed me with a pencil. I still have the piece of lead in my hand.

7.) I always give them my candy and money (not recently, though, because I'm starting to become selfish) and they never say thank you and never give the same consideration towards me.

8.) Alex knows Dad molested me, and last time when we were fighting and Dad intervened, Alex blatantly yelled that Dad was taking my side because of what he did to me. I wanted to die.

9.) Alex and Timmy were fighting so bad I thought someone would call the cops so I picked up their YGO cards and told them if they don't stop I'll drop them. I did, and they both beat me up.

10.) They always embarrass me in front of my friends, especially when I hit puberty and my face errupted, all the male members in my family would make fun of me until I cried.

11.) One time Alex was really sad, so I tried to cheer him up, but he yelled at me and called me names until I cried.

12.) Alex and Timmy hurt me and damaged the wall, and both told me they would lie and tell Mom I did the damage, which they did.

13.) My brother erased my story out of spite, but luckily I had a backup.

There's more, but I'm crying and my show's on. Till next time.

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January 19th, 2005


06:26 pm - Birthday
Tomorrow's my birthday. *dryly* Yay! Bad things always happen on my birthday. . . well, not really bad, but depressing. . . but perhaps in retrospect it's just because I expect them to be bad. . .

Oh well, perhaps it can't top the exploding birthday cake, or the breaking off of my nail, or the slamming into the wall, or my Grandpa dying. . . Though, it's already starting out to be bad. My mom got injured at work so she hasn't been working for a few weeks, and she's supposed to be getting paid for being injured, though they won't pay all the days or something. . . and I don't think we're even getting any from them, so it's bye bye anything because money's tight, but *shrug* I don't care. Also, I stepped into a jagged bit of glass and their was blood EVERYWHERE. The cut was so so deep on my heel, I couldn't walk.
Current Mood: indifferentindifferent

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January 9th, 2005


06:40 pm
HASH(0x8c39794)
You are too innocent and sweet for your own good.


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


*blink blink*

HASH(0x88acbe0)
You are a child's kiss. Completely sweet and
innocent and pure. You mean no harm and only
love in your sweet kisses.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I don't think I'm perfect 'cause I'll never open up.


Haven't been on lately, and I don't have time to write now either. *sighs* Though, my good friend from my old school is pregnant, and her boyfriend dumped her (though he doesn't know she's pregnant and she won't tell him).

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December 8th, 2004


09:19 pm - Happenings
Checked my weight, and I was suprised to see I weigh 97 pounds again. I just don't have time to eat. Today, I ate 17 grams of fat, and under 500 calories. My schedule today:

5:10 AM----Woke up and got ready

7:50 AM---Ate Granola Bar during first period

3:45 PM---Got home from school

4:00 PM---Ate Burrito from Lean Cusine

4:00-5:00 PM---Read a book

5:00 PM---Went to bed

8:45 PM---Woke up

9:00 PM---Am writing this


And I still need to do a BUNCH of homework, which include finishing a paper in English, reading my reading assignment and taking notes, finish my math homework for the presentation tomorrow, study for a Japanese test, do a Science worksheet as well as study for test. *sighs* I know I shouldn't sleep when I come home. . . I'm just sooooooooo tired.

Today we had a history test, and I asked Janice what she got, and she replied she missed like 8. Then she asked me what I made, and I was so close to saying I missed 5 or something, but at the last second I changed my answer to 100 percent, because that's what I got.

Today my crush sat next to me, and for some reason I just didn't feel the flutter in my stomach. In fact, I felt slightly disgusted and I don't know why. . .

Brendan (a boy in school) exchanged emails with me, and he gave me a nickname of "Ms. Vertically Challenged." I gave him a nickname of "Mr. Weird" because I couldn't think of anything, but I think he took offense to it. I was only kidding.

Tommy sat next to me AGAIN during the bus. I want room, but instead I'm squished up against the window with my bookbag. That boy I was writing about earlier, who called me Ma'am, sat behind us (His name's Jo). He obviously knows Tommy, and they began to talk, but then he started talking to me and flirting with me, and Tommy told him to stop it, that he knows what he's up to. Then Cedric from Japanese class started talking to me (I just want to unwind and listen to music! Not talk) but fortuntely his stop is early on the way.

Then this boy sat in front of me, so that I was surrounded by boys. I was beginning to feel a little claustrophobic. This boy was named Kenny, 6 feet something inches, and muscely. . . He then asked Tommy and Jo if they were both hitting on me. Tommy shook his head no (I think he thinks of me as his sister now, like I think of him as my brother) but Jo didn't comment, because he was. Then Kenny asked me what I was listening to, which was Linkin' Park, and he asked if he could listen to it so I gave it to him. He then said I was hard core (the song was hard rock) and he asked me if I murder people. *looks confused* What? I told him sarcastically that, yeah, I go on hunting sprees at night.

By now, Tommy and Jo were in deep conversation, and Kenny asked me if I think Jo's cute. I shrugged, but he kept goading me, so I whispered he was okay. I mean Jo is cute, but I don't want to say that in front of him. It's embarrassing! Then Kenny asked me who I thought was cuter, Jo or him. Now I definitely couldn't answer that. Even though both are cute, I'm not attracted to either of them, and saying one is cuter over the other would not only be embarrassing but would hurt one of their feelings.

So I shrugged nonchalantly and said I don't know. He kept goading me, just staring at me until he made me uncomfortable, neither smiling or anything, saying he won't be mad if I say Jo is cuter, but I really didn't believe that. I just got quieter and quieter until he finally asked if these type of questions made me shy, which I wholeheartedly agreed with. But then he mocked me, which riled me up, so I asked Tommy who he thought was cuter: Kenny or Jo? Tommy took great delight in this, until Kenny growled at him that if Tommy wouldn't pick him, he'd break Tommy's finger and stab him. . . um. . . *blink blink* okay. Tommy---after a while of threats from Kenny---Finally chose Kenny.

Kenny and Jo got off the same stop, and Jo said goodbye to me as he left, and Kenny slapped my hand (He probably didn't mean to hurt me but it stung) and said I was too shy for him to like. *blink blink blink* WHAT???? After Kenny and Jo got off, I apologized to Tommy, who said it was alright, and we both agreed Kenny was a big moron and that Jo is a lot nicer than him.
Current Mood: pissed offbewildered
Current Music: Hear Me by Kelly Clarkson

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